and so even when…
the doctor tells you your baby has less than a 50% chance of survival and he isn’t moving or responding or opening his eyes and the MRI shows that he is 95% brain dead and he takes his last breaths in your arms
…as a mother you love for your baby does not change. I will love you, William, for all the days of my life. Every single day I will think of you. Some days are filled with joy and pride for the beautiful boy you were and the wonderful memories of carrying you inside me, and others are filled with complete heartbreak over missing you. No matter what though, as your mother, I will never stop loving you.
My name is Robin Dowdle and I am a mother. I carried our son, William Earle, for 40 weeks and 6 days. Tragically, due to complications (meconium aspiration) during his birth, our beloved William was without oxygen for several minutes leaving him brain dead. We had the gift of four days with him here on Earth before he died peacefully in our arms. So my motherhood looks different than many but I am a mother. My hands are not full but my heart and thoughts never stray far from my son. I will continue onward as William’s mother for all the days of my life.
If you are currently longing and hoping and dreaming of being a mother yourself or you are a mother or children who are in Heaven, I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. All around me are friends with happy, healthy babies and kids. It often feels like everyone gets to have a baby except me. So I just want you to know that you aren’t alone. I am sending you a virtual hug.
See more of Robin’s home and her story HERE.
Thank you, Robin, for sharing your story with MNIM. You are strong and beautiful.
Photograph of nursery by Kharisma Studios, http://www.kharismastudios.com/. Photograph of Robin by Inloveness Photography.